"Junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you" - A Nonsensical Yin-yang

The title isn't my own creation. It's from a song called "Affirmation" by Savage Garden. In my opinion, it is one of the most meaningful lines ever written. It is a universal truth that is so hard to come to terms with, because it's so unfair.

Wouldn't the delight of eating a juicy barbecued chicken be a hundred times greater if burnt meat isn't carcinogenic (something that causes cancer)? Of course, not many people would stop eating barbecued meat for that reason. For instance, "Damn the cancer, I'll have that chicken" is what I would say. However, the truth still remains the truth. And that, according to me, is unfair! Why should barbecued chicken be bad for health in the first place?

Even the opposite is true, which makes it worse. Health foods taste so bad because they're good for you! Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit when I say that they taste so bad. My point is that they're not as tasty as a zinger burger, for example, are they? Would you exchange an "extra-large chicken supreme pizza with extra-cheese" for a bowl of oatmeal?

Why should such an irony even exist? Even Adam and Eve must have wondered why that tasty red fruit was forbidden!

Pardon me if you think that the previous sentence was in bad taste. I know that the 'forbidden fruit' is a metaphor with a deeper meaning. All I'm saying is, food should be exempt from yin-yang. I agree that yin-yang is a beautiful concept, but it should not be applied to food. A delicious barbecued chicken that isn't carcinogenic, and packed with all the health benefits of an oatmeal is what I'm talking about. Zero bad, all good. That's my dream, and I'm hopeful that I will live to see that change.

Of Headlights and Selfishness

When you drive at night, how bright are the headlights of your car?

A. Always low beam. High beam used only to signal other drivers, or when there's no other vehicle around.

B. Always high beam, no matter what.

It's a little survey that I do whenever I drive at night. My theory is that those who drive with low beam (the A's) are the more responsible ones. They are not concerned only about themselves, but the other drivers as well. High beams (the B's) are the selfish ones. They don't care if it causes discomfort to the others. All they care for is their own convenience. To cut a long story short, I use it as a rough measure of our society's selfishness or unselfishness.

I've been doing this for over two years now, and the results are terrifying! Invariably, 7 or 8 out of 10 vehicles that came from the opposite direction were on high beam.

I'm not saying that these are bad people. It's just that no one gives a damn about road etiquette in this part of the world. How many of us voluntarily stop at a pedestrian crossing? Hardly anyone dares to, because the moment one does it, there will be ten others behind, honking horns and cursing him. There are plenty of other examples which I don't want to dwell upon.

Here's what N wants all B's to know. It is not just dining etiquette that matters. Next time you start complaining about the pathetic condition of the roads, remember this - It is the same government that gave YOU a driving licence that does road maintenance around here. Now you know what standards we are talking about and what to expect. Go figure!

Yay, it's another hartal! We don't celebrate Christmas only in December!

Dear Mallus and Bengalis across the globe,

I too am a Mallu. So I hope you don't mind me calling you the same. As you all might know, it's yet another hartal here in India. In this context, India refers to Kerala and West Bengal only. The Left parties have been so kind, as always, that they decided to give us yet another surprise holiday. Yes, my dear friends. Christmas came early!

I don't know what Bongs do on a hartal. Probably you'll buy plenty of fish, have a small family get-together, and eat all that fish. But, here's what we do. We drench ourselves in IMFL, and stay drenched throughout the day. IMFL - that's Indian Made Foreign Liquor, in case you are one of those ignoramuses. Mallus, you may ignore the last sentence. Don't bother yourselves with definitions. It doesn't make a tiny bit of difference to you anyway. Just know that that's what we drink.

Sorry, I'm digressing. Let's get back to the point.

We've been hearing a lot of dissenting voices lately. Some people want a complete ban on hartals. Here's what Shashi Tharoor tweeted today - "Hartals & bandhs cost India great economic losses. Must refuse to abide by them. Don't be intimidated. Say NO to hartals by going to work!"

Come on, what madness is this? It's a tradition, man. What do they think we are - The Japanese? Do they think we are going to work 22 hours a day and build another Toyota? Not in a million years! That's what the Japanese are for!

Don't let any of this bother you, fellas. Take another swig from that IMFL bottle, or eat some of that fresh water fish that you love so much, because hartals are here to stay.

As Epicurus said, "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die."

Wishing you and your family a happy hartal.

Love and Regards,

N.

(Wrote this on 27/04/2010 for my earlier blog: naveensays.vox.com. I don't post there anymore.)

Genesis

"Every other nutter uses Twitter,

Why not I just try something smarter?"

That's about it.

N.